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Transcript
Patients
Clarence S01E25 Patients
Clarence's Transcripts
Episode Season 1
Episode 25
Written & Storyboarded by Mark Banker (Writer)
Skyler Page, Spencer Rothbell and Mark Banker (Story)
Stephen P. Neary and Niki Yang (Storyboard)
Chronology Previous: Pilot Expansion
Next: Rough Riders Elementary

[Elevator music plays]

[Indistinct talking]
No... Not him

[Clarence opens the door running]

Clarence: [Grunts] And the winner is Clarence! Whoo! Whoo! I won! I won!

Mary: Clarence, I said no racing.

Clarence: Oh, sure, you say that now. You're just a sore loser.

Mary: I've been saying it since I turned off the car.

[Mary and Clarence walk to the Nurse]

Clarence: Yeah, but you're saying it now.

Mary: Uh, Mary Wendle here to see Dr. Kimble. Oh, I-I have to leave by 4:00.

Clarence: She has to go back to work.

Nurse Tacker: Yes, Ms. Wendle. He'll be with you shortly.

Mary: Thanks.

Clarence: My mom hurts. Can you heal her with crystals?

Mary: Clarence, I'm fine. I'm just here for my Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I cut hair. It never stops. [Chuckles] Especially when you have a freeloading friend like Sandy. You know, you do something, you don't realize it's gonna affect you down the line.

[Clarence looks at the candy jar]

[The jar makes a face with candy]

Jar: Oh, Clarence. Oh, my sweet boy. I've been waiting for you. [Tink!]

[Clarence scraping]

Clarence: [Sighs]

Mary: Clarence.

Clarence: The candy... it needs me.

Mary: Yeah, sure it does. Okay, tell you what. You can have one piece.

[Nurse Tacker opens the jar]

Mary: When we leave, if you behave.

[Nurse Tacker closes the jar]

[Thud]

Clarence: [Whimpers]

Mary: Okay, come on, Clarence.

[Mary takes Clarence to a seat]

Clarence: Nooooo! [Whimpering]
BUT I NEED IT!

[Tinia gets up from her seat and stays in a little chair for talking to Nurse Tacker]

Tinia: Nurse Tacker, can I have a piece of candy?

Nurse Tacker: What does your mother say?

Tinia's Mom: Whatever you want Tinia.

Nurse Takcer: Here you go, angel.

[Tinia grabs a candy]

[Ominous music playing]

Clarence: [Gasps]

Tinia: [Giggles] [Goes back to her seat]

Clarence: Mom, that Tinia girl got candy.

Mary: Yes, she did.

[Ominous music plays]

[Tinia has the candy on her mouth]

Clarence: [Grunts] I don't think that she is an angel at all.

Mary: Neither are you.

Clarence: [Grunts] [Thinking] Hmm, got to use a different technique. Slander isn't getting me anywhere. Mm... Ooh, I'll strike a bargain. Yes, mothers love bargains. [Not thinking anymore] Oh, mother, what if I were to have one piece now and then one later when we leave?

Mary: No.

Clarence: [Grunts] Say, mom, what if I were to trade you one potted plant for one --

Mary: No.

Clarence: [Grunts] Mom, did you know that --

Mary: No.

Clarence: [Shouting] [Punchs a table with a potted plant several times]

Mary: Clarence, you have to learn to entertain yourself while you're waiting for something. Can you do that?

Clarence: No.

Mary: What?

Clarence: Oh, uh, uh, probably.

Mary: Then do it.

Clarence: [Sighs] Worth a shot. [Grunts]

[Festive music playing]

[Clarence draws his body]

[Clarence watches a woman seeing dogs and cats pictures on her cellphone]

[Clarence plays with a baby game]
Having fun (3)

Clarence: What's the point of this thing?!

[Festive music continues]

[Clarence pretends he's an animal]

Clarence: [Roars]

[Clarence eats a plant]

[Clarence plays with another baby game]

[Festive music ends]

Clarence: This is too easy! I need a real challenge.

Candy Jar: [Makes a face] Oh, Clarence. Oh, my sweet boy.

Clarence: [Gasps]

[Scatting "Mission Impossible" theme song]

[Clarence tries to get the candy jar]

Clarence: [Whispering] Doing good. Oh. Got to check the map. [Sees a map in his arm] Oh, yeah.

[Scatting "Mission Impossible" continues]

[Clarence tries to grab the jar, but Mary grabs him to take him back to the seats]

Mary: Come on, Clarence. [Grunts] You're getting too heavy for this!

Clarence: [Whimpering] [Falls to the floor]

[Mary sits down on her seat]

Clarence: [Whimpering] [Sighs] Are we gonna be here forever?

Mary: [Reading a book] It's only been five minutes.

Clarence: Really?

Mary: Really. Come on, back to the seat.

Clarence: [Grunting] [Sits down on his seat] [Singing] Peppermints, gumdrops, jawbreakers!

Mary: Quietly.

[Clarence jumps with his seat]

Mary: Without moving.

Clarence: But, mom!

Mary: If I hear one more word out of you, you are not getting any candy, all right?

Clarence: [Inhales deeply] [Not breathing]

Mary: You can breathe, Clarence.

Clarence: [Gasping] [Sighs] [Thinking] Okay, no noise, no moving. I can do that. Just need to sit here and think. Yeah, no problem. No problem at all. I can think, can't I? No, I can't! It's too hard! I-I got to say something! I got to do something! [Watches everybody in the waiting room] Help! Anybody, help! Stewart! Stewart! [His 2 eyes show the same shot of Stewart] Stewart, do something! No, no, look at me! Wait, wait, what's going on here? My brain is like a cave! Hellooo!

[The waiting room comes into a view]
Nobody even listens to me...

Clarence: [Thinking] Wow, I'm in a creepy cave inside my head. That's so cool. Wait a second. I'll just turn my cave into -- a beach! [Clarence's eyes show an ocean] Or -- or outer space! [Clarence's eyes show outer space] Whoo! Wait a second. Oh, man, I just got a sgreat idea! [Grunting] [Clarence's view turns into "Candy Brain]

♪ Candy Brain ♪

[Dramatic music playing]

[Clarence walks in his candy brain and finds gummy bears]

Clarence: Oh, hello, giant gummy friend. May I? [Eats a piece of a gummy bear] [Finds a gummy worm] Are you lost, gummy worm? Find your way into my mouth! [Eats the gummy worm] [Slurps] [Finds chocolate] Look! [Drinks chocolate] [Slurps] Oh, is this chocolate! I know we just met, candy brain, but I think I love you! Is that okay? I hope it's okay.

Ice Cream: It's okay by me. [Surfs in a chocolate ocean] [Grunts] [Stops surfing when he gets close to Clarence] Ugh! Water.

Clarence: [Gasps] Whoa, are you made of all ice cream?!

Ice Cream: I am the ice cream.

Clarence: Wait a second. I think I remember you! I was 6! You changed my life! [Hugs the Ice Cream] May I?

[Ice Cream pushes Clarence]

Ice Cream: Not now! I'm here to help you pass the time in here so you can get candy out there.

[Back in real life]

[Fly buzzing]

[The fly gets into Clarence's nose and gets out immediately]

[Back in Candy Brain]

Clarence: Really? How am I supposed to do that?

Ice Cream: By showing you how to melt, of course. [Sloop!] [Melts]

Clarence: Holy pie! That's amazing!

[Plop!]

[Ice Cream turns back to his shape]

Clarence: There's no way I could do that.

Hornsby: Sure you can, pal!

Clarence: Hornsby?! Is that you?!

Hornsby: Who else would it be?!

Clarence: But how?

Hornsby: This is your brain, pal. If you can think it, it can happen.

Clarence: Okay, who do I want to meet? How about viking ghost grandma?

[Clarence's grandma appears]

Clarence: Grandma, there you are! You look beautiful! All right, fellas, I guess it's time to melt!

[Sloop]
Everybody melts

[Clarence and his friends melt]

[Back in real life]

[Fly buzzing]

[Mary stops reading and wacthes Clarence, surprised he's quiet]

[Back in Candy Brain]

[Plop!]

[Clarence and his friends's head appear on a small lake with a Clarence's skin coloured water]

Clarence: Sweet, I did it! Yes!

Ice Cream: Told ya!

Clarence: [Sighs] I could stay here forev-- [Peanut falls on him] Ow! [Peanuts keep falling on him] Hey, hey, who's throwing peanuts?!

Ice Cream: Not me. I'm the Ice Cream.

[Back in real life]

[Clarence realizes someone is throwing peanuts]

Clarence: What? Who --

[Tinia appears. She was behind a plant]

[Ominous music plays]

Clarence: [Grunting]

[Nurse Tacker open the door]

Nurse Tacker: Mary?

Clarence: [Grunts]

Mary: That's me. I'll be right back.

[When Mary gets up, Clarence takes her hand]

Clarence: What? No, don't! I'm -- I'm coming with you, I'm coming with you!
Clarence, do you wanna stay with me

Nurse Tacker: [Walks to Clarence] Clarence, will you stay here and keep me company, hmm?

Clarence: What do you mean keep you company? [Left Mary's hand] That's weird.

[Nurse Tacker walks back to Mary]

Mary: So, he will be able to see me before 4:00, right?

Nurse Tacker: Oh, of course. [Closes the door] He'll be right in.

[Tinia blows a gum in Clarence's face]

[Pop!]

Clarence: Huh?! What?!

Tinia: So, you like candy, huh?

Clarence: Yeah. So?

Tinia: Then why don't you have any candy?

Clarence: I only get it when we leave, and I'm not supposed to talk, so don't talk to me!

Tinia: That's too bad. Hey, you want some of my candy?

Clarence: Really?!

Tinia's Mom: Tinia, is that boy bothering you?

Tinia: No, mother. He's behaving himself.

Tinia's Mom: Good.

Clarence: So, are you gonna give me that candy or what?

Tinia: Sure, I'll give you some.

Clarence: All right, give it.

[Tinia is about to give him candy, but stops herself]

Tinia: Except we might be here a while. I don't want to run out.

Clarence: You won't run out, you won't run out! I-I promise! Come on, just give me some!

Tinia: I don't know. There's a lot of people ahead of us.

[The waiting room comes into a view and you see some people there]

Clarence: Hmm, I can fix that! [Gets up but goes back to his seat immediately] [Grunts]

[Back in Candy Brain]

Clarence: All in favor, say yes.

Hornsby and Ice Cream: No!

[Horn blows]

Clarence: Viking horn wins!

[Back in real life]

[Clarence gets up and run to Nurse Tacker]
God, not again...

Clarence: [Grunting] [Stays in a little chair so he can see the nurse] Help, help, help, help, help!

Nurse Tacker: What is it?

Clarence: The toilet -- It's [Grunts] It's clogged!

Nurse Tacker: Again?! [Goes to the bathroom]

[Clarence steals her patients list and runs to an old man to listen to his heart]

Old Man: Oh, my!

[Heart beating loudly]

Clarence: Your ticker is a champion! Go out and enjoy your life, you silly, young man!

[Scene cuts to Clarence talking to an old woman in a wheelchair]

Clarence: My prescription is to eat lots of cereal and just go for a run once in a while.

[Scene cuts to Clarence again. He's behind the young woman using her cellphone]

[Clarence grabs her cellphone]

Clarence: If you turn this off right now, you'll live. [Grunts] [Throws the cellphone]

Young Woman: [Gasps]

[Clarence goes back to his seat]

Clarence: Whew, busy day! All right, I think I treated everyone here.

[The waiting room comes into a view and only the old man leaves]

Clarence: But it turns out they all want to see a real doctor. Except for that guy.

[Door opens]

Clarence: So, candy?

Tinia: Hmm... maybe, for one more favor.

[Scene cuts to Clarence reading a book for Tinia and Stewart]

Clarence: "So, whenever there's a breeze but before the bees can sneeze, Princess Pollen hands out tissues because the bees have allergies. [Shows a picture on the book] The end." All right?

Tinia: [Smiling] Could you sing it?

[Festive music plays shortly on a black screen saying "Later..."]

Clarence: ♪ Because the bees ♪ ♪ Have allergi-i-i-i-es! ♪ That music's not final.

Tinia: Again?
And that's the end!

[Festive music plays shortly on a black screen saying "Laterer..."]

Clarence: ♪ Allergi-i-i-es ♪

Tinia: Just one more thing.

[Clarence braiding Tinia's hair]

Clarence: [Grumbling] There!

Tinia: I love it! [Undos her hair]

Clarence: Please don't ask me to anything else.

[Tinia smiles]

[Clarence gives Tinia a piggyback ride]

Tinia: Whee!

Clarence: [Breathing heavily] [Sighs]

[Piggyback ride stops and Tinia gets up]

Clarence: Okay, are we good?

Tinia: Yes, we're good.

[Tinia stays on Clarence's back]

Clarence: Ow!

Tinia: Mom, can I have some more candy?

Tinia's Mom: That's nice, honey.

[Tinia grabs a chocolate bar and walks away]

Clarence: [Clears throat]

[Tinia gives Clarence her chocolate bar]

Clarence: Pleasure doing business with ya.

Tinia: I'm sorry.

Clarence: [Opening the chocolate bar] For what?

Tinia: I don't know why I do stuff like this. I just do.

Clarence: What do you mean stuff? Stuff like what?

Tinia: Mom, that boy took my candy!

Tinia's Mom: What?!

Clarence: No, no, that's not what happened! [Throws the chocolate bar near Tinia] That's not what happened at all!

Tinia's Mom: Zip it, mister!
I swear you'll never eat candy again!

[Thunder crashes]

Tinia's Mom: It's gonna be so long before you get candy again, you're gonna forget what it tastes like!

Nurse Tacker: [Distorted] Maybe that's enough candy for today! [Takes the candy jar away from Clarence]

Clarence: [Breathing heavily] [Jumps and takes the jar]

[Everybody in the waiting room is angry watching Clarence]

Tinia's Mom: [Grunting]

Nurse Tacker: You don't want to do this, son. Hand over the candy. [Knuckles crack]

Clarence: We can fix this! Candy fixes everything! [Grunts] [Throws candy for everyone]

[Scene cuts to Candy Brain]

[Thunder crashes]

Ice Cream: What are you doing, man?!

Clarence: [Digs a big hole] I don't know! [Grunting]

Hornsby: Then stop digging.

Clarence: I can't! I just can't!

[Scene cuts back to real life]

[Thunder crashes]

Clarence: But I definitely think chocolate is my favorite! [Chuckles nervously] Who's with me -- anybody?

[Nurse tacker tries to take the candy]

Clarence: Not the candy!

[Both grunting]

[Nurse tacker accidentaly throws the candy jar]

Nurse Tacker: Aah!

[The jar breaks and all the candy is out]

Clarence: [Distorted] No!

Tinia's Mom: [Distorted] [Gasps]

Tinia: [Distorted] [Gasps]
Oh no. That jar was too expensive

Nurse Tacker: [Distorted] [Whimpers]

[The young woman takes a picture with her cellphone]

[Camera shutter clicks]

[Mary opens the door]

Mary: All right, I'm sorry. I can't wait any longer. I have to get back to work! I'll call to reschedule! [Sighs] [Opens the exit door] Forget the candy, Clarence. Let's go. [Leaves the waiting room] [Sighs]

Clarence: Bye! [Breathing heavily] [Runs away] [Giggling] [Grabs a lot of candy, but then he touches a piece of glass]

[Engine sputtering]

[Clarence leaves]

[Scene cuts to Clarence and Mary going home in the car]

Mary: [Sighs] I can keep appointments. Why can't they?! Doctors [Sighs] They think they can keep the whole world waiting! Well, not this lady! Huh?! Ah [Sighs] Sorry you had to sit there for nothing, honey.

Clarence: [Eating ice cream, slurping] Anytime, mama! Right, guys?

[Back to Candy Brain]

All: Right!
Candy hell

Clarence: Right!

Mary: Who are you talking to?

Clarence: Uh, nobody!

[The Ice Cream's head appears on a black screen saying "The End"]

Ice Cream: I am the [Distorted] ice cream.

The End


— Patients/Transcript —
Season 0 Pilot
Season 1 Fun Dungeon Face OffA Pretty Great Day With a GirlMoney Broom WizardLost in the SupermarketClarence's MillionsClarence Gets a GirlfriendJeff's New ToyDinner PartyHonkDollar HuntZooRise and ShineMan of the HousePuddle EyesDream BoatSlumber PartyNature ClarenceAverage JeffLizard Day AfternoonThe ForgottenNeighborhood GrillBelson's SleepoverToo Gross For ComfortPilot ExpansionPatientsRough Riders ElementaryNothing VenturedBedside MannersJeff WinsSuspendedTurtle HatsGoose ChaseGoldfish FolliesChimneyStraight IllinDust BuddiesHurricane DillissHoofin' ItDetentionHairenceLil' BuddyChalmers SantiagoTuckered BoysWater ParkWhere The Wild Chads AreBreehn Ho!The Big Petey Pizza ProblemThe Break UpIn DreamsBalanceSpooky Boo
Season 2 The InterrogationLost PlaygroundBird Boy ManFreedom CactusPlane ExcitedEscape from Beyond the CosmicRen FaireTime CrimesSaturday SchoolAttack the Block PartyField Trippin'Ice Cream HuntCompany ManStump BrothersThe Tails of MardryniaClarence Wendle and The Eye of CooganSneaky PeekyGame ShowSkater SumoMystery GirlThe SubstituteClassroomDullanceJeff's SecretSpace RacePlant DaddiesBucky and the HowlWorm BinClarence and Sumo's Rexcellent AdventureBirthdayTree of LifeCapture The FlagClorisFishing TripBelson's BackpackMotelMerry MoochmasPizza Hero
Season 3 Sumo Goes WestValentimesClarence for PresidentRock ShowThe Phantom ClarenceJeffery WendleBadgers & BunkersDingus & McNobrainBye Bye BakerFlood BrothersPool's Out For SummerBig GameThe Boxcurse ChildrenKarate MomClarence Loves ShoopyPublic RadioChad and the MarathonOfficer MoodyGilben's DifferentCool Guy ClarenceJust Wait in the CarMissing CatBig Trouble in Little AberdaleDare DayThe TradeA Nightmare on Aberdale Street: Balance's RevengeChadsgivingDog King ClarenceTrampolineThe TunnelAnimal DayBelson Gets a GirlfriendA Sumoful MindTalent ShowBrain TVRC CarEtiquette ClarenceClarence The MovieVideo StoreAnywhere But Sumo
Shorts Beauford T. PusserHave a BallBig BoyBeach BlastBelson TouchSeparation AnxietyBeansSticky ClarenceClaw MachineBirding With GuylerRainy DayClarencio MagnificoDoodle BattleLonely Lonnie