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Money Broom Wizard Gallery Transcript
Money Broom Wizard
Money broom wizard title
Clarence's Transcripts
Episode Season 1
Episode 3
Written & Storyboarded by Skyler Page and Patrick Harpin (Writer)
Skyler Page (Storyboard)
Chronology Previous: Pretty Great Day with a Girl
Next: Lost in the Supermarket

[Episode begins with Jeff, Sumo, and Clarence walking through the woods with Clarence holding a stick while Sumo is crawling and sniffing on the ground then stops and gasps.]

Sumo: [stands up and blocks Jeff and Clarence's path.] Our path is blocked!

Clarence: [approaches a tumbleweed] Stand back Sumo-wise. Leave this one to the wizard. Lo siento mi amor-o! [Whacks the tumbleweed with the stick several times and slows down and stops] That one was just a scout! The other bushes will be looking for him.

Jeff: Why did we have to walk through the woods? There's a sidewalk. [Looks at side while cars are driving]

Clarence: Fool of an elf! [Winks while moving his other eye left and right] That's exactly what eyeball would expect us to do. Our path may be treacherous, but the Pizza Swamp is [Moves arm quickly upward] worth it!

Jeff: Okay. [Pretends shooting a bow and arrow twice]

[Shout in distance]

[Kids finally find Pizza Swamp]

Clarence: Here it is -- The dreaded Pizza Swamp, [Pizza Swamp arcade comes into view] the most dangerous part of our journey!
PizzaSwampFromDistance

[The gang goes into Pizza Swamp]

Clarence: Whoa! [Kids are seen running and playing] Look at all these games! Free for the playing.

[Many games are shown on-screen. One game says and repeats "Insert Coin!"]

Clarence: Let's go pick out our prizes!

Jeff: [Laughs]

[Clarence and Sumo go pick out their prizes]

Jeff: Wait. Really? Clarence, if you pick out your prizes now, you're setting yourself up for dissapoi -- [spots a lazer pointer] Oh, my gosh! they have a lazer pointer? That is actually really cool!

Clarence: Man, I want that disco ball!

[Clank]

Jeff: Really?

[Belson plays a dinosaur shooting game. Dinosaurs are screaming]

Belson: Yeah, it's super-easy. All you have to do is shoot 'em in the mouth. It's not even hard.

[Dinosaur comes out of refrigerator and screams]

Game voice: Game over. Continue?

Belson: What!? Man, these games are so glitchy [Gives a $20 bill to Percy, who takes it to a token machine] [Spots Clarence and his friends] Oh, great. Look. Here comes the dork parade.

Clarence: Oh, hey, Belson. How's it going, buddy?

Belson: [Scoffs] Whatever.

[Percy inserts 20 dollar bill on heres a lot of coins, grabs lots of coins, runs and chuckles]

Sumo: Are we gonna play for tickets or can we play the fun games?

Clarence: Oh, sumo. All games will be played and prizes won because I got a fresh %20 dollar bill right in my back pocket.

[Sumo and Jeff's lip opens.]

Clarence: Right... around... here. [Clarence grunts, his hand go to his pocket, and it's empty] Guys, don't get mad, but I left my money at home.

Jeff and Sumo: Aw, Clarence.

Clarence: Oh. Wait a minute. I forgot about my wizard dollar in my wizard shoe. [Takes off his shoe and pulls out a $1 dollar bill] Gotcha! [Clarence inserts the $1 dollar bill and gets 4 coins] Okay, one for the elfling. [Gives a coin to Jeff]  One for the gnome. [Gives a coin to Sumo] And one for the wizard. [Hands flips around up] And... I guess we don't need this one. [Throws a coin]

Jeff: [Gasps.] Clarence, no!

[Kids screaming and giggling to get a coin.]

Sumo: Well, if we only get one game, I'm gonna make it count.

Clarence: That's the right spirit. I hereby command that, even though we only have one token each, we will have the greatest day in all of the pizza swamp!

Belson: [Chortling] Yeah. Oh, sorry. Yeah, no, I'm sure you will. [Laughs]
Belson Laughing

Clarence: Okay, guys, let's split up.

[Donk!] 

Jeff: No, no, Clarence. No.

[Donk!]

[Clarence and Sumo run away]

Jeff: Ow. Okay, okay. There's got to be a game here that I can get to pay out with just one token.

[Memo watches Emilio play a game called "Plumb Crazy"]

Plumb Crazy Arcade: Plumb harder! [Toilet flushes] You're not very good at this.

Jeff: No.

[Boy plays a game called "Big Betty"]

Unnamed's Mother: Go on, sweetheart. Feed Big Betty.

Unnamed boy with green shirt: No!

Jeff: Mm...

[Music plays]

Money Broom Arcade: [Distorted] Money Broom.

Jeff: That one might actually work. If I could get the coin to land on just the right spot, just... right...

[Clanking]

Clarence: Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe. Where it stop, nobody knows.

[Clarence puts the coin on the Money Broom. He fails]

Money Broom Arcade: [Distorted] Money Broom.

Clarence: Well, that was kind of fun.

Jeff: Wh-- Cl-- Clarence, no! You can't just play "Money Broom." You have to know how to beat the system.

Clarence: It's okay. It was worth it.

Jeff: No. I'll win it back. I'll win them all back.

[Dramatic music plays]

Clarence: Okay. I'm gonna go eat that pizza crust. [Runs away to the pizza crust]

[Bloop! Bloop! Bloop! Bloop! Bloop! Bloop! Bloop!]

Clarence: [Eats pizza crust] Mmm. Savory.

[Clarence walks until he finds a table with some food left from a birthday]
ClarenceLookingAtSomething

[Pop!]

[Clarence eats some chocolate cake]

[Clarence sees a birthday hat and gasps]

Clarence: [High-pitched] Wizard hat. [Puts on the birthday hat] Ploop.

[Scene cuts to Sumo looking up for a game to play. He stops and watchs a preview of a game about Keith Mack called "Iron Tiger"]

Keith Mack: Hey, this is Keith Mack, bass player for Iron Tiger. If you're watching this, our band's already been kidnapped. You're the only one who can save us!

Sumo: [Gasps]

Iron Tiger Arcade: Insert coin. Insert coin. Insert coin. Insert coin.

[Sumo goes away]

[Scene cuts to Clarence running and having fun on the arcade]

[Clarence runs]

Clarence: [Laughing]

[Clarence pretends to be playing a dance game without paying]

Clarence: [Humming]

[Crendle watches Clarence]

[Clarence pretends to be playing a race game withouth paying]

Clarence: [Imitating car noises] Out of my way! [Imitates explosion] Oh, crashing! [Runs around some games] [Panting] Come on! Come on, everybody! Who's gonna catch me? [Panting] [Approaches Try seeing a claw machine] What one are you looking at?

Try: I want that finger trap, but the claw keeps dropping it.

Clarence: That claw always does that. It just always drops it. Sometimes, you just got to use your own hands. Why don't you just reach in there and grab it?

[Scraping]

[Try tries to grab the finger trap using his hands, but he can't because his hands are too big]

Try: My hands are too big.

Clarence: Here. Let my try.

[Clarence puts his hands on the claw machine and grabs the finger trap]

[Stre-e-e-tch! Snap!]

[Clarence puts his hands off the claw machine and gives the finger trap to Try]

Try: Thanks, Clarence.

Clarence: Don't worry about it. Just your friendly neighborhood wizard.
Vlcsnap-2014-04-10-12h37m39s255

[Whimsical music plays]

[Clarence runs away doing strange sounds with his feet]

[Scene cuts to Sumo walking in the halls, searching for a game to play]

Arcade 1: Help us! We're trapped!

Sumo: Huh?

Arcade 2: Feed me! I'm hungry!

Arcade 3: Hey, you! You're the next big winner!

Sumo: [Gasps]

[Game beeping, voices distort]

[Sumo approaches a game at the end of the hall which has a really big machine]

[Beeping]

[Shing!]

Sumo: Aah. Ahhh.

[Suction]

[Sumo inserts his coin]

[The game gives Sumo the real-life stuff for that game]

[Plonk!]

Sumo: Wha--

[Whirring]

Game: [Japanese accent] Ready. Set... Go!

[Dance music playing]

Game: Faster. Faster!

[Scene cuts to the "Asian Boy" playing whack the seal]

Asian Boy: [Grunts] Dang it! [Grunts] Dang it! [Grunts] Dang it! Dang it!

Game: Great job, clubber. Collect your blubber.

[Whirring]

[One ticket comes from the game]

Asian Boy: Dang it! [Grabs another coin]

Clarence: Hey, you want to know a trick? Just use your hands.

Asian Boy: Really? [Inserts coin]

[Beep]

Clarence: Ready?

Asian Boy: Mm-hmm.

[Clarence and the Asian Boy start hitting the seals that come from the machine]
Vlcsnap-2014-04-13-07h57m48s41

[Seal barks]

[Seal barks]

[Seal barks twice]

Asian Boy: Whoa.

[Seal barks twice]

[Seal barks twice]

[Seal barks]

[Seal barks]

[Clarence couldn't hit one of the seals, so he grabs it]

Clarence: Oh, no, you don't! [Hits the seal several times]

[Seal barking rapidly]

[Whirring]

[A lot of tickets come from the machine]

[Motor sputters]

[Distorted seal bark]

[Crack, sizzle]

Clarence: That'll teach him.

Asian Boy: [Grabs the tickets] Thank you. [Realizes Clarence is gone]

[Whimsical music plays]

[Scene cuts to Belson and his team preparing to play lazer tag]

Belson: [Grunts] You're gonna find out why my friends call me "The Laser Ghost."

Nathan: We don't call you that.

Clarence: Oh, cool. Can I play with you guys?

Belson: [Scoffs] Yeah, if you want to get blasted by the laser ghost.

Clarence: Ooh. yes, please.

Dustin: It costs 8 bucks.

Clarence: Oh. I don't have that many dollars.

Belson: [Scoffs] Sucks to be you. Come on. Let's go.

[Belson and his team enter laser tag]

Clarence: Oh, all right, then. I'll just... eat some more pizza crusts.

[Clarence goes to the birthday table and eats pizza crusts]

[Whimsical music plays]

[Munch!]

Clarence: Savory. Actually, that's not bad. [Keeps eating pizza crusts]

[Munch! Munch! Munch!]

[Clarence drinks soda pop]

[Glug! Glug! Glug! Glug!]

[Clarence falls to the floor]

[Thud!]

[Scene cuts to Jeff studying the Money Broom arcade]

[Some numbers are shown in the screen]

Jeff: [Thinking] Okay, hmm. Got to crack this code. Carry the 2. Oh, watch the 1.

[Numbers dissapear]

Jeff: I got it! [Gasps. Hides behind another game, waiting for someone else to play first]

[Crendle walks ignoring the Money Broom game]

Jeff: Come on.
Jeff waiting to make his move

[Guyler walks ignoring the Money Broom game]

Jeff: [Groans] Dang it! Just one more play.

[Chelsea is about to play Money Broom, but she changes her mind and walks away]

Jeff: Dang it.

[Anyway, Chelsea stops and plays Money Broom one time, and loses]

Jeff: Yes. Come on, baby.

[Music plays]

Money Broom Arcade: [Distorted] Money Broom.

[Chelsea walks away]

Jeff: Yes. That's the eight person. So, if it puts out every nine times, that means that the next quarter's got to be a winner!

[Chelsea stops]

[Poink!]

[Chelsea grabs a coin she founds in the floor]

[Before Jeff can put his coin in the game, Chelsea pushes him with her hair]

[Puff!]

Jeff: [Groans]

[Chelsea puts her coin in the game and wins a lot of tickets]

Money Broom Arcade: Winner, winner, winner!

Chelsea: [Squeals]

Jeff: Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, n-o-o-o!

[Scene cuts to Clarence trying to help Guyler in a bowling game]

[Clarence hits the glass above the balls for the game]

Clarence: See, the trick with this one is, you just got to use your wizard... hand. Hmm. Wizard hands don't work on this one. [Looks everywhere] Hmm. Ah. Wizard basketball! [Grabs a ball from a basketball game] [Grunts] [Gets back to the game Guyler was trying to play] Daddy needs a new disco ball. [Kisses the ball] [Grunts] [Throws the ball and hits the game]

[Whoosh!]

[Scene cuts to Sumo playing, and the glasses kid watches him]

[Dance music plays]

[The ball hits the glasses kid]

Glasses Kid: Ow!

[Scene cuts to Jeff counting the coins on the Money Broom]

Jeff: 17, 18, 19, 20, 21...
Capture 04222014 160119

[The ball hits the Money Broom]

Jeff: Unh!

[Jeff falls]

Jeff: Oh?

[A lot of tickets come from the game]

Money Broom Arcade: Winner, winner, winner!

Jeff: I did it! I beat the house!

Clarence: [Panting] Jeff, we're rich! We're rich! [Grabs some tickets] We can have anything that we want!

[Scene cuts to Clarence and Jeff on the prizes section]

Clarence: Disco ball, please.

[The Prizes girl gives Clarence a disco ball]

Jeff: I'll have the laser pointer.

[The Prizes girl gives Jeff a laser pointer]

Clarence: Finally, finger disco. [Turns on the disco ball and pretends his fingers are dancing] [Vocalizing]

[Jeff turns on his laser pointer, but he can't see it because it's too bright there]

Clarence: How's your laser?

Jeff: It -- it's too bright in here. You can't really see it.

Clarence: Well, let's try in there, where it's dark. [Clarence points the entrance of Laser Tag]

Jeff: Okay.

[Clarence and Jeff enter Laser Tag]

Jeff: [Turns on the laser pointer] Oh, yeah. This works great in the dark.

Clarence: Whoa! Look at this place! It's -- it's so beautiful!

[Belson shoots Percy with his laser gun]

Percy: No! I'm already dead! Ow!

Belson: [Chuckles evilly] [Notices Clarence and Jeff] Hey! Hey, how did those guys get in here? Hey, get out of here! You don't even have vests on!

Clarence: Hey, Belson. Look what I got.

[While Jeff is pointing the laser pointer nowhere, Clarence hands up with his disco ball and a lot of lasers come from the ball, which just hit everyone in there]

Percy: Aaaaaah!

Dustin: Aah-gl-gl-gl!

Nathan: [Gasps] [Falls off the stairs] Unh! Unh! Unh! Unh!

Belson: No. No! N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!!
Screenshot (414)

Clarence: Wizard ball.

Unseen Man: [Echoing] Congratulations, space cadet. I'm promoting you to cosmic commander.

[A picture of Clarence with the disco ball full of lasers is shown in one of the game's screens]

Clarence: Oh, cool. That's me.

Belson: What?! They're not even playing!

[Scene cuts to Clarence and Jeff walking in the arcade, Clarence hits his "cosmic commander" thing in his shirt with the disco ball"]

[Clinking]

Clarence: I think this thing is real silver.

[Scene cuts to Dustin, Nathan, and Belson eating pizza. Belson is mad]

Nathan: Nice job, "Laser Ghost."

Dustin: [Laughs]

Belson: Shut up.

Nathan: What? I though you liked being called that.

Dustin: [Laughs]

Belson: [Groans]

[Scene cuts back to Clarence and Jeff. Both stop]

Jeff: I have to say, I'm pretty surprised we got this far with just one dollar.

Clarence: Unh-unh-unh. Not just any dollar. It was a wizard dollar.

Jeff: Whatever.

[Whimsical music plays]

Clarence: Come along, Sumo-wise. Our work here is done.

Sumo: [Dressed as the game he played] Yes, master Clarence.

[Electricity crackling]

[Jeff and Sumo leave, Clarence wait for them]

Clarence: Bye, Pizza Swamp.

[A full view of the Pizza Swamp inside is seen]

Clarence: [Smooches, blows] [Leaves the arcade]

End


— Money Broom Wizard/Transcript —
Season 0 Pilot
Season 1 Fun Dungeon Face OffA Pretty Great Day With a GirlMoney Broom WizardLost in the SupermarketClarence's MillionsClarence Gets a GirlfriendJeff's New ToyDinner PartyHonkDollar HuntZooRise and ShineMan of the HousePuddle EyesDream BoatSlumber PartyNature ClarenceAverage JeffLizard Day AfternoonThe ForgottenNeighborhood GrillBelson's SleepoverToo Gross For ComfortPilot ExpansionPatientsRough Riders ElementaryNothing VenturedBedside MannersJeff WinsSuspendedTurtle HatsGoose ChaseGoldfish FolliesChimneyStraight IllinDust BuddiesHurricane DillissHoofin' ItDetentionHairenceLil' BuddyChalmers SantiagoTuckered BoysWater ParkWhere the Wild Chads areBreehn Ho!The Big Petey Pizza ProblemThe Break UpIn DreamsBalanceSpooky Boo
Season 2 The InterrogationLost PlaygroundBird Boy ManFreedom CactusPlane ExcitedEscape from Beyond the CosmicRen FaireTime CrimesSaturday SchoolAttack the Block PartyField Trippin'Ice Cream HuntCompany ManStump BrothersThe Tails of MardryniaClarence Wendle and The Eye of CooganSneaky PeekyGame ShowSkater SumoMystery GirlThe SubstituteClassroomDullanceJeff's SecretSpace RacePlant DaddiesBucky and the HowlWorm BinClarence and Sumo's Rexcellent AdventureBirthdayTree of LifeCapture The FlagClorisFishing TripBelson's BackpackMotelMerry MoochmasPizza Hero
Season 3 Sumo Goes WestValentimesClarence for PresidentRock ShowThe Phantom ClarenceJeffery WendleBadgers & BunkersDingus & McNobrainBye Bye BakerFlood BrothersPool's Out For SummerBig GameThe Boxcurse ChildrenKarate MomClarence Loves ShoopyPublic RadioChad and the MarathonOfficer MoodyGilben's DifferentCool Guy ClarenceJust Wait in the CarMissing CatBig Trouble in Little AberdaleDare DayThe TradeA Nightmare on Aberdale Street: Balance's RevengeChadsgivingA Sumoful MindAnimal DayThe TunnelTalent ShowRC CarDog King ClarenceTrampolineClarence The MovieBelson Gets a GirlfriendBrain TVEtiquette ClarenceVideo StoreAnywhere But Sumo
Shorts Beauford T. PusserHave a BallBig BoyBeach BlastBelson TouchSeparation AnxietyBeansSticky ClarenceClaw MachineBirding With GuylerRainy DayClarencio MagnificoDoodle BattleLonely Lonnie