Bedside Manners Gallery Transcript

Clarence: [hisses] Behold! And now, through the power of cryogenic technology, we will bring this mummy back to life! [Grunting]

Miss Baker: Okay, that's your time, Clarence.

Clarence: Oh, also I have some announcements. So, as you all know, Belson is in the hospital.

- Did you know that? -

Clarence: Come on, guys. He broke 27 bones. He's barely alive! We found Belson on my lawn last night. A car hit his bike and busted all his bones, and an ambulance had to come and take him to the hospital. So I'm organizing a trip to go see him after school. But don't bring any food, 'cause I'm getting a eight-foot party sub for everybody. So here's the sign-up sheet. There's room for a few more people in my mom's car, depending on where you sit and how big you are. So just come sign up right now, and, uh all right, everybody's got rides. I'll see you there. Miss Baker: Wait! Clarence, class isn't over yet! [school bell rings] [students cheer]

Clarence: Oh, that's mom. You guys ready to go?

Jeff: We'll meet you there, - so we can get Belson a card.

Sumo: And, uh, unicorn balloons.

Clarence: Great idea! He'll love those!

Mary: All right, whose hat did you steal this time?

Sumo: Now I kind of do wanna go so I can give Belson girl balloons.

Jeff: So we're going?

Sumo: What are you, nuts?

Song: Lettuce, tomato, cheese party sub

Clarence: Need anything? Mayo? Oil?

Mary: Clarence, did you unwrap that sandwich? It's getting all over everything! Come on.

Clarence: [gasps] Don't listen to her, subsy! [Clarence enters the hospital] [Humming] [elevator bell dings] Belson's floor, please. [Squish!] [Squish!] Hmm. Elevator's broke. I guess we better wait for the elevator doctor to fix it! [Elevator bell dings] Oof! [Crashing] [smack!]

Woman: Welcome to Aberdale General. How may I help you?

Clarence: I'm looking for my Belson. He's short, he's got a eyebrow, and he's angry. Grrr! Like this! He's tough to love, but worth the effort.

Woman: Oh, that's sweet.

Clarence: [gasps]

In Belson's Room

TV: "Dogwalkers: Miami!"

TV Woman: I thought it was gonna be really hard, but it's not that hard. You just have to make sure none of the dogs bite each other, or else you'll get sued. When they told me I had to walk three dogs, I thought I'd flip. [Grunting] [dog barks] [chuckles] [Clarence get's in Belson's room] [wheels squeaking]

Belson: Hey! Hey! Hey! [Thud] Hey! That's a body! Help! [Splat!] Help! Body in my room! There's a body in here! Help! Body! Help! Help!

Clarence: Yep! And this body is ready to party! Sub. Get it? 'Cause of party? 'Cause it's a party and a sub Aah! [Groans] Belson, are you there? Belson? Did they cast up your earholes? Scoop, scoop, scoop, scoop, scoop. Belson: What are you doing?

Clarence: I'm brightening up your day, duh! - Ow! - Aah! My eyes! Clarence: Hmm, we're gonna need to make some room in here.

Belson: Room for what?

Clarence: For all of the people that are gonna come to see you!

Belson: I don't want anybody in here. Especially you.

Clarence: You and I can't eat this party sub alone. We're gonna need some party favors.

[Dialing, ringing]

Jeff: Hello.

Clarence: Hey, Jeff. Are you and Sumo all ready to go to the hospital yet?

Jeff: Uh, not yet.

Clarence: Great. Can you stop and pick up some streamers, horns, twinkle lights, strobe lights, a fog machine, glitter, board games, a swing set, ping-pong table, a hot dog table

Jeff: No, I'm afraid we can't because...

Sumo: Tell him we're not coming!

Jeff: Sumo wants to talk to you.

Sumo: What?! You tell him!

Jeff: I'm not gonna tell him, you tell him

Clarence: Okay, but don't take too long, guys. Belson needs our support in his time of need. He's very fragile.

Belson: No, I'm not!

Jeff: We'll be there soon.

Sumo: What?! What was that? Jeff: We have to go, Sumo.

Jeff: It's the right thing to do. [Gasps] [sighs]

Sumo: Let's go.

Clarence: They'll be here any minute. So, how lucky is it that you got run over right outside my house?

Belson: Not lucky at all. I got run over.

Clarence: All done! You look so handsome, like Jackie Chan! Belson:

Oh, no.

Clarence: What's the matter? Are you not comfy, buddy?

Belson: I'm in serious pain, thanks to your slippery roof!

Clarence: My roof? I thought you got hit by a car. Wait, was there a car on my roof?

Belson: Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. I need the nurse.

Clarence: Forget nurses! You got me! I'll help you out! Here, I'll make your bag of medicine go faster. Belson: [Grunting] No! No, no! That's not even hooked up!

Clarence: Let's move you by the window. But first? Doughnuts!

Belson: Stop! No! Aah! Oh, no!

Clarence: Let's get something good on the TV. [Belches] [Click]

Jeff: Ow! Ow!

Sumo: What's wrong?

Jeff: Hospitals are hotbeds of disease. Cholera, dropsy, scurvy Who knows what we'll be exposed to! Let's get directions to Belson's room, say hi, and leave.

Sumo: Directions? Bah! Eh, I know where we're going.

[Smacking lips, slurping]

Jeff: [gasps]

Sumo: Come on!

Belson: Finally! I'm starving!

Clarence: Oh, no. They forgot the salt! Here, let me take care of that for you. Aah! Oh, hey, look, it's a party sub! Oh, Belson, if I weren't here to take care of you, where would you be?

Belson:Nurse! Nurse!

Nurse: Is everything okay in here?

Belson: It will be after he's gone!

Nurse: All right, come on.

Clarence: Who, me? Okay. I love you

Belson: Ahh, finally.

Jeff: Why don't we just ask someone?

Sumo: 'Cause I know where we are!

Jeff: So why are we walking down this hallway for the third time?

Sumo: 'Cause it's my favorite hallway!

Jeff: I'm asking for help.

Sumo: Waste of time.

Jeff: Excuse me. Excuse - Excuse me! Stop!

Nurse: Well, what is it? Hurry up. I'm in the middle of something.

Jeff: I, uh, was looking for my friend Belson.

Nurse:Belson who? We got a lot of Belsons. Tch-tch-tch. Belson. Arturo Belson. Nelson Belson. Can you imagine having that name? You got a last name?

Jeff: Uh, N-Noles. Belson Noles.

Nurse: Oh, here he is. Take the elevator to four, go right, left, down the steps, through the quad, left, left and, uh, you're there.

Jeff: Oh, okay. Thank you.

Nurse: No problem.

Jeff: Wait, you forgot the Aah!

[In dream] [Dolphin clicks]

Belson: Another perfect day in paradise, Bodhi. I may even smile.

Clarence: Hey, Belson! I'm gonna try out my blow hole now.

Belson: [Grunting] No, no, no, no!

Clarence: Morning, Belson. Hold on, the water pillow's leaking all over the place.

Belson: Who let you in here again?

Clarence: Oh, I got my tricks.

Nurse: Oh, that's nice.

[Elevator bell dings]

Jeff: I think he said floor 10. Then we


Jeff: get off


Jeff: and take a left

[Coughs] [coughing steadily] [Elevator rumbles]

Jeff: What was that?

Sumo: I don't know. Elevator's stuck.

[Coughing steadily]

Belson: Great party.

Clarence: Uhh, yeah. Isn't this party a blast? Heh. Everybody's here! Hey, Jeff. [as Jeff] Hi. I'm Jeff. Um, I'm afraid of dirt. Lookin' sharp, Sumo! [as Sumo] Agrr. You ain't so bad yourself! Chelsea, is that, um, new hair? [as Chelsea] Oh, thank you. I just grew it! [as Sumo] Agrr. I wish I had hair. [Giggles] That's okay, Sumo. At least you're not a clumsy bag of bones like Belson here.

Belson: I'm not clumsy. Your skylight was broken.

Clarence: Skylight? What do you mean, skylight? Belson, is there something you're not telling me?

Belson: Umm, isn't this supposed to be a party?

Clarence: Yes, it is. Party! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Party!

[Coughing steadily]

Jeff: Sumo, get us out of here.

Sumo: Oh, all right. Here's the problem. Oh! Oh, maybe not.

[Coughing continues]

Clarence: Come on, everybody! Let's sing one more song!

Belson: Ohh! Shut up! Stop it! Be quiet! Just be quiet! I didn't get hit by a car. I was pranking you. It was me, Dustin, and Nathan. I was gonna change your TV channels through the skylight. I had to buy a remote on Clickers.wiz 'cause your TV is so old.

TV: And now back to "Hearts & Hydrants: extinguishing the flames of love.

Belson: But your loser skylight broke and made me slide off your loser roof!

Clarence: What?

Belson: Oh! Aah! [Groans]

Clarence: He was so young!

Clarence: I don't get it. How is that a prank?

Belson: Because I was gonna change the channel and you were gonna miss the end of your show.

Clarence: And that's what you consider a prank?

Belson: Yeah, an awesome prank.

Clarence: Hmm. So if I take your spoon, is that a prank?

Belson: No. That's not a prank.

Clarence: Can water be a prank?

Belson: Uh, well, sure, I guess. Aah! - W-What're you doing?

Clarence: Pranking you!

Belson: No, no, no, no! Wait, wait, wait! No! No, no, no, no, no, no! Ow! No, no, no, no! [Crash!] - Ow. Ow.

Clarence: And they said that I could have my own room, but I said, "no, thank you. I'll bunk with my old pal Belson until my head crack is better.


Belson: What's that banging?

Clarence: Probably a woodpecker. Or maybe a metal-pecker. Or a light-pecker? Or floor-pecker? [Groans] Or what about a pepper-pecker? The pepper-pecker! Belson, it's the pepper pecker! It's just peckin' all the peppers that there are!

Jeff: [grunting] [breathing heavily] Whew. [Coughs] [dog barks]