Average Jeff Gallery Transcript
Dude, just stop now! "This needs some more information???"
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[The episode opens to a montage of Jeff's routine while similar music from "American Psycho" plays in the background.]   

Jeff:  I live on Salem Lane in Aberdale, Arizona. My name is Jeff Randell. I'm in the 4th grade. I have my own set of tastes and I like my things a certain way. Shower for 8 minutes, brush teeth for 2 minutes. I stay on routine, on schedule. I'm not like anyone else. I'm particular. I'm special.  

Jeff:  Look, after today, things are gonna be different. We can still hang out; you just won't be able to understand everything I say now. Even though we won't be taking the same classes together, we're still in the same grade, and it doesn't mean we can't be friends. 

Clarence: Uh-huh.  

Jeff:  Nothing's gonna change between us, except my life will be better. Everyone has their own path. It's just, mine has a higher trajectory. 

Clarence: [eating peanut-butter ball]  Nuh-uh dude, Sumo has a high trajectory too.

Ms. Baker: Okay everyone let's quiet down okay? Quiet please.  [Jeff rushes to his seat]

Ms. Baker: Okay I'm sure your all waiting to see your placement test. Now, just remember it doesn't matter if you're in the advance gro-uh Quill! Group. Or the uh other group. Crayon. Everyone has their own path, their own uh learning style. [starts stammering] You know special world [exhales sharply]  Okay look if you have a crayon on your page you're with Ms. Shoop, and if you have a quill you're with me.

Jeff: Mm-hm. [Ms. Baker is shown handing the student's tests and each one has a different reaction to the card on their test.]

Jeff: [inhales.] [A crayon card is seen on his test.]     

Jeff: [exhales] Yep! still got it. [Looks closer]

Ms. Baker:  All right so were not starting 'til tomorrow so today-

Jeff:  Ms. Baker can a speak with you please?!

Ms. Baker: Uh, right now?

Jeff: Yes please! Right now! 

Jeff: I mean, it's funny, really and I didn't want to embarass you in front of everyone, but you seemed to put me in the wrong group. See this is a crayon card, not a quill card, It's okay Ms. Baker we all make mistakes sometimes. 

Ms. Baker: Uh, No Jeff  it's not a mistake, you tested into the crayon group.

Jeff: No, no, no, no, no. That can't be right. You probably got me test mixed up with someone else's. This is a mix-up right?

Ms. Baker: No Jeff this is your name. This is your test right here. 

Jeff: I-I don't understand!

Ms. Baker:  Oh. I'd thought you'd be happy. Don't you wanna be with your friends? Jeff: NO! I want m'life to be better than their's!!

Ms. Baker:  Jeff, I want you to think what you just said. [glares it him] [slams door.]

[Bell rings]

Breehn: According to Aristottle, active intellect can take any information and turn it into knowlege, whereas passive intellect, takes it all for face value?

Ms. Baker: That's right Breehn.